Spot on

" I've had people tell me, "you've got such a pretty face, why don't you just lose weigh?". I don't think people realise  it's rude to talk about somebody else's body."

Vidya Balan on being judged on how she looks as reported in NDTV.

Ms Vidya Balan's statement, struck a deep chord.

About a month back, at a dealer event, a channel partner's wife comes up to me. "Madam, you have such a lovely figure. Why don't you do something about the spots on your face?" Something I have heard several times, over the years and worked on my own defence mechanism - humour.

Freckles. A genetic, should I say 'fault', from my mother's side of the family. Ma was therefore quick to spot the early light brown specs on my nose and cheeks. A little consultation within her ladies' group and she concluded that homeopathy would be a safe treatment, with no side effects. Who knows, miracles are always possible. Dad, whose bloodstream was pharmaceutical selling, immediately tried to wriggle out of it. "The only cure for baldness", he said (he was bald, in the days when new age hair transplants were yet to be discovered) "is selecting your parents with care and I would think the same applies for freckles!". Mothers, like they all are, was not to be put-off that easily.

Thereafter started our once-in-a-month, visits to the Homeopath. This soon became one of the father-daughter things we did together. Another being the occasional Sunday morning movie shows of Tarzan and Laurel & Hardy. We enjoyed the 8 km drive from Chembur to Dadar and back. I always loved to hear about his tours and I in turn reciprocated with the regular school gossip.

The Homeopath's chamber was probably in his residence. One of those old buildings, with a huge room and stretch table. The diminutive man was almost not visible behind an equally large book. It could however be that for an 8 year old, somethings remain "large" as perceived first. He would peer at me silently, shuffle the pages of his book, tap on a passage or two with his index finger, mutter to himself and then write out a prescription. Very few words were exchanged, which was just as well or Dad might have picked up an argument. This probably went on for about a year, till one different Saturday. This time, the Doctor, was sitting back in his chair. He wasn't particularly interested in checking my face but did look at me in a reflective manner. Then turned to my father and said, "why do you worry about the spots. These are freckles". Help! Like we didn't know. "These give her a nice 'English' look". If I recall rightly, Dad swooped me up and we fled, lest he changed his mind. Back home I heard some muttered conversation with the word 'Memsaheb' being mentioned.

Later in life, I have heard a lot about these freckles. In all fairness to friends and public at large, the stuff grew in numbers and became darker (probably delayed side effects of homeopathy). Recalling some of the memorable ones here.

From Mumbai, we shifted to Delhi where I finished schooling and came back to Bombay for college. Walking up the steps of Asiatic Society, a young girl stopped me. She was a tad disappointed that I couldn't recall her from school days. A neat jibe from her, "but of course, no one can forget the spots on your face".

When Garnier, L'Oréal etc first hit the market, there was one particular advertisement featuring a Dalmatian. Those days, walking through any departmental store, I could spot the gleam in the salesgirls' eyes. They chased me with a variety of anti-spot creams and one or two odd ones even managed to sell me a tub or tube much to the bemusement of my daughter. She, one day, decided to take things in her hand. With a most forbidding look on her face she would firmly put them off with a "we love her freckles". I tried a gentler one. In a quiet, confidential manner I would say "if my spots were to go away, I fear my husband would not recognise me".

So, full circle to Vidya Balan, body shaming does hurt. The fact that these incidents have stayed with me is a proof.

The fact also is, that you need a daughter to help you for good. Last year, peering at herself in the mirror she says, "most of my facial features match Papa's. But I love most the freckles that I have inherited from you". 

"Love you, my child"

Leader not Caregiver : a case for distancing from team

A random tweet caught my attention this morning - 'the most important part of #leadership is caring about other people'. Counter-intuitively this did not get my complete buy-in. The word caring conjures up the picture of a nurturing leader. The kind who looks after her/his team and goes on an overdrive on engagement and fun activities. He would , typically, rush in to pick up the cudgels with other functional teams, in the belief that his own team gives kudos points for a Boss who 'fights on their behalf'.

There is something very paternal and top-down about this term. There is also a gender bias, here, as many readings on women leaders seem to support this 'caring' quality. The tweet did force some introspection on this Sunday morning - the weekend immediately following a financial year closure.

While the Corporate euphemism is 'stretch targets', there are times when teams have to take (what I call) 'put you on the stretcher' targets. Many leaders believe that in such moments they have to roll-up-the-sleeves and plunge into the centre of action. Some go on an overdrive with textbook messages of 'you realise what you visualise' kind. Other caring bosses call for impromptu treats and promises of a drink-binge on achieving targets.

At the heart of all this lies a basic truth - nothing gives individuals a greater high than a goal well-achieved. It is knowing that you delivered at the time the Company needs more than your 100%. These moments are when a leader must actually step back and let the team be. So, let me redefine the statement, my way :

"The most important part of #leadership is caring enough to help others to achieve"

When a company faces challenging targets, the delivery lies in the dynamics between functional teams. Teams that might actually be working on conflicting goals. The Manager, most times must wear the hat of a diplomat or become an Internal Community Manager - just facilitating cross-functional communication. 

Distancing, somewhat like a lighthouse, is viewing the larger picture, picking up ahead the disaster signals and helping the team to navigate. Caring and distancing, to some extent, sounds like an oxymoron. Just a caring manager might become too close and protective of his team. 

Good leaders are performance catalysts amongst peers and subordinates. They understand the importance of mobilising a larger Organization, to help a collective set of individuals to sense personalised achievement.