“He had a way of fishing for information – he’d throw out something he’d heard, casually looking for confirmation or further details while implying that he already knew the facts.”
These lines from Rajat Gupta's autobiography caught my attention. An over garrulous and attention grabbing gossip can be a put-off. Rarely do you come across the skill mentioned above. Yet, I have seen this in the workplace pass off in the garb of "seeking feedback".
A nonchalant remark on somebody’s character or fishing out the details on an incident where one was not present. The trick lies in never dwelling too long on the discussion point or showing too much interest in going into the details. Pick up and store, retrieve on demand. Never, a “tell me more” as that would put the narrator on guard. This rests on an understanding of the human psyche and need to be clairvoyant. Tell a person “I heard so and so” and leave her to join in the dots. Then take that half-processed information for collaboration to others.
The accompanying body language is also important. Avoid eye-contact, if possible, appear engaged in some other activity (mobile is a good prop in these days), and appear generally indifferent. One has to be very adept at dodging these hooks.
Despite the age old adage, "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all"; to gossip is human. In any formal organizational program on communications skills they teach you the importance of informal communication or the grapevine. As we read in Gupta's book, Rajaratnam developed the skill to a fine point of being able to make (a lot of) money off what he heard. He is believed to have said that, "his best ideas came from frequent visits with the companies in which he invested and from conversations with executives who invested in his funds" (source: Wiki).
Social and psychological studies actually put up a case in favour of gossip. It is believed to stave off loneliness, facilitate bonding and closeness and as a form of entertainment, release tension. Most gossip, again, is just plain boring and not salacious. It is equally true, though, that gossip is even less positive or informative.
In choosing this subject, I do not plan to pontificate on the perils of gossip, nor recommend it as a survival skill. I leave it to the judgement of the Reader, gently reminding him or her, "be careful who you vent to. A listening ear can also be a running mouth"
