Rotis, Ghee & Me

Some years back, at a Company do, I opted for the Continental lunch. An European colleague, his plate loaded with paneer butter masala, chicken curry and baby naan, wondered at my choice of what he called "foreign fare". I jokingly responded, "what you have on that plate is as foreign to a Bengali as what I have taken". At that point in time, though, I had yet to find out that there is truly nothing called "Indian food". Traveling through the states of Bihar, Rajasthan, Bengal, Haryana - you name it, the variety is finger-licking amazing.

On a flight back home, after an intensive tour of the Marwar belt of Rajasthan, I just said "no" to in-flight dinner. What I ate over the last few days is easier to capture in words and photographs. What cannot be shared, however, is the warmth with which the food was served, be it at a local Dhaba or a dealer's residence.

My first stop was a home-cooked "feast''. Nothing else could describe the 14 odd dishes that was placed before me. Two smiling young ladies shuttled between the kitchen and the table, with what seemed like an unending line of dishes. I was advised to start the meal with something sweet and wisely ignored the ladoos, cashew and malai barfis to opt for the malai kachori. Then came the main course. Bajre ki roti (a favourite and something I got to eat after many years) accompanied by a variety of dishes, all a first for me. I must be honest, here, the generous helping of ghee on the rotis is something I would like to forget.  I reached out first for what looked like the familiar Kari and was told that this is a slightly different dish called dahi-fry (yoghurt fired with spices). The ground turmeric dish with cashews and the Kair Sangari, were not just local but recommended only for winters and signalling that I was a very important guest.

The next day we stopped at a Dhaba. My colleagues were very concerned that I would not be able to sit at the desi tables - a charpoy, with a wooden plank at the centre. Two people sat bow-legged on either side of the plank, on which the food is served.
The Dhaba owner was briefed the previous day, so we had a proper table set up for us. Seeing his apparent anxiety over the preparations, I didn't have the heart to tell him that I would have enjoyed the charpoy seating (a lost opportunity to showcase how I stay fit with yoga,too). The dishes were slight variants of the previous day's meal.

On this long road journey, we were back at another Dhaba in the evening.

The bar was raised this time, with the local officer managing a bed sheet as a makeshift table cloth!
The high point of this meal was a special thick wheat roti called tukkad. Business was brisk at this place, as two tourist buses and a couple of trucks stopped by. I recall an explosion of flavours, of freshly cooked veggies, but got too busy eating with my ghee soaked fingers to stop and take some photographs.

The final meal, this afternoon was at a place called Baba Ramdev Restaurant. This time, we shared a couple of tukkads with gatte ki sabzi, tamatar - sev ki sabzi and the, by now, familiar dahi -fry. With all these meals, the garlic chutney, sugarcane jaggery bits, gond (guar gum) ladoos and glasses of buttermilk, need a special mention.

The restaurant manager, at the last place, was friendly. No, the demonetisation had not hurt their business much. As he philosophically put it "people may opt for one less roti, curry or ghee but eat, they have to"! As we rushed out of the place I forgot to check whether the Baba Ramdev name has added to their business with his ever growing showcase yoga and Patanjali fame. 

Somethings you save for another visit, another time!

Footsteps on the sand

It was a June afternoon, drizzly with overcast skies. We stood at the edge of a slushy tract trying to focus on a clump of coconut trees at a distance. The broker stood beside us, animatedly explaining where the road connector would come up from this ‘piece’ of land to the main road. He was trying to sell us the property for a ‘farmhouse’- our weekend getaway from the city and post-retirement destination. 

This search for a property was by then a familiar weekend pastime. Till one Friday morning, we chanced upon an advertisement on the Home & Property pages of Telegraph. A house by the sea in the beach town of Digha was up for sale. We fell in love with the place, instantly and the next six months was a whirlwind. We were caught up in buying the place, renovating, interior-designing and landscaping. Every Friday, we hit the highway with the kids and returned on Sunday evenings. Slowly our favourite books, family games, my son’s cricket paraphernalia, kitchenware and full set of clothes, was up at the house. We only needed to drive down to another ‘home’.

The highway was under construction and we told ourselves that we really didn’t mind the four hours of drive. The Government was upbeat on many projects and there was talk of the Raichak Expressway over river Haldi. We estimated that in a couple of years travel time would be down to two-and-a-half hours.

On the other side, the house was taking good shape. We discovered some old Sarkar branded chullahs and set up a barbeque pit, built a balcony space overlooking the sea, planted our X’mas tree the first season and played cricket with our 7 year old on a well maintained lawn.

Paintings by my daughter

Salim project got dropped, the State Government changed but these little changes remained news clips as we were well engrossed and adjusted to the new pace of life. For us, Digha remained a family space. For my parents, suffering from cancer and mom-in-law with limited mobility, unable to travel, the house was the only holiday option. My daughter, painted murals on the walls of the house and looked forward to the evenings when the beach town gathered life. There were vendors hawking shell knick-knacks, the roundabouts in winter, the first ice-cream parlour and the balloons for target shooting. We were probably slow to notice that hawkers were proliferating, newer places for ‘’fooding’’ and lodging coming up and the return trips were getting longer with heavier traffic.

About this time, we planned a holiday at Pattaya. My son was quite impressed with the drive from Bangkok airport to Pattaya. Browsing through some tourist literature, later, he asked us very innocently, “what do you think is the distance from Bangkok to Pattaya”.

Me, Ï am not sure, what does the brochure say?”.

“167 km and we made it in 1 ½ hour. Now, what is the distance between our home and Digha?”

 

He had a good point, there. 187 km and we were taking 3 – 4 hours each way. On one long weekend, due to some political rally, we reached past midnight, completely exhausted and after a 7 hour drive. Another weekend we came back from mid-way. However, these were quickly brushed aside as stray incidents and we kept looking forward to the weekends.

On one such weekend, we were approached by 2 gentlemen offering to sell us the tract between our home and the sea front. ‘But, that’s within 250 yards of the sea and in our knowledge cannot be used for constructing a building’, we said. Not wanting to be caught by surprise, we did evince interest and asked to see the property documents. After some follow-up from our end, we concluded that the property was not properly backed with papers. Much to our surprise, the plot did get sold and a horrific three storey tall structure came up, completely blocking our view of the sea. 

Where earlier incidents were discordant, this was the moment of disconnect. We stopped our regular weekend jaunts. The children got engrossed in their studies. They did return a couple of times, though, with their friends. Somewhere, deep down, we know that change – in the skyline, quality of tourists, age and taste of our children, parents passing away – contributed in small ways towards our dwindling interest. Even as a post-retirement destination, the place had lost its attraction with the sea-view gone!

The current government has worked to have the place spruced up. Train connectivity has improved. Throughout winter, the place is choc-a-bloc over weekends. What it still lacks is good quality food or eateries, leave alone a respectable restaurant. The power grid is unreliable and power-outs are common in summers when A/Cs are in us or when a Norwester disconnects the cables.

Interestingly, one summer holiday while working on a project with my son, we discovered that Warren Hastings had referred to Digha as the Brighton of the East. Out of inquisitiveness, I visited Brighton in September this year. It might be the fond memories of Digha but at first sight, I did relate with Hastings. There are many parallels to draw between the two places. Both don’t cater to very high end tourists, are low on glamour, have a long sea front, small beach town activities for families to engage with their kids. What makes the big difference are the wide promenade, the excellent Fisn-n-chip stores, the clean road and beach and the quietness that compliments the scenic beauty of the Brighton shores. 

Brighton by the Sea

The excellent Fish-n-chips store

We have sold off the property. On some odd Saturday evenings, there is that slight tug at the heart, when one misses the kids (who are now away and studying abroad), Panther & Elsa our lovely Labradors and those moments of simple family bonding and carefree times. Digha will always remain a part of us but our presence there will fade out in time, like footsteps on the sand.

A Moment in Time with Sister Nivedita

A lady born 100 years before me. Someone I have known only as a 'line item' in history texts. Her calling was social work and nationalism - against my corporate career and comfort with multiculturalism. 

These were some of the first thoughts on my mind, when The Sisters of The Ramakrishna Sarada Mission invited me to speak as part of their Sister Nivedita's 150th birth anniversary celebrations. The topic   - Is Sister Nivedita relevant for today's Corporate woman?

I chose to explore the subject in three dimensions:

* Does her personality lend itself to becoming a role model for today's corporate woman?
* Are there any relevant lessons from her writings?
* What do we learn from others who have known her?


Role model for today’s Corporate Woman

We see in Margaret Elizabeth Noble (long before she met Swami Vivekananda and became Sister Nivedita) a social worker, teacher and author. She chose to excel in all fields and pioneered teaching methods which explored beyond mere instruction to real awakening of the mind. As a writer she was one of the founding members of the Sesame Club - the oldest literary club of England. She had an eclectic choice of subjects with equal affinity for physics, arts, music and literature. During these early years and later in coming to India, she exhibited the courage to follow her dreams.

What she wrote about Women

There are two significant essays that I concentrated on to understand her position on women - 'the future education of the Indian woman' & 'The present position of women'. I share some of her thoughts, juxtaposing these in the context of the contemporary working woman.

** Education
"Synthesis of history, geography and science must be achieved by both man & woman as there is no sex in truth"

She repeatedly emphasised on the need to give relevant education to women and integrate them in the struggle for nationalism. She mentioned about three elements for a complete education - Nature (science), Earth (geography) and Time (history). She had deep conviction, that every individual must understand the context of nationality by first studying the history of the land – with its divergent elements of culture, race and language. This knowledge then needs synthesis in the larger context of other Nations or the worldview. Finally, one needs to explore and understand the many elements of Nature and our interaction and existence within this space. As she put it "education and character leads to true realisation of knowledge". This focus on science and gender neutral knowledge is akin to the call, even today, for more women in coding, stem cell research and other science and engineering streams, which still remain male bastions.

** Self Reliance 
"The whole of East understands the need of a woman's having pin- money. In India such matters as sale of milk, cattle and fruit are all the perquisites of the mistress of the household"

Interestingly, in her essay on the position of women, she mentions how pin-money has been an essential income and savings base for the homemaker across countries and generations. We have all been hearing a lot about this lady's hoard for the rainy day as the demonetisation news broke out. She had the vision of widows about 20 yrs of age making jams, pickles and chutneys for markets in England and America. She mentions that "main advance of women come from striking out into new professions and careers by unmarried women" a matter which requires attention, to date, in girl child education and job options. "In India we have a few women doctors and writers" she rues

** Gender Diversity
"From end to end of India, all who understand are agreed that the education of our women needs, at this crisis, undergo some revision. Without their aid and cooperation none of the tasks of the present can be finally accomplished. The problems of the day are woman's as well as mans"

In the above lines, I find her call for gender diversity in the nationalism movement akin to what we seek to achieve in Top management and Company Boards. Ethics, EQ and the capability to handle complex relationships are, even today, research backed claims for diversity.

** Women Leaders as Role Models
"In India also women have held power from time to time as rulers and administrators often with memorable success.......
The woman ruler finds a sentiment of awe and admiration waiting for her which gives her an immense advantage over a man in the completion for enduring fame"

Her reference to women leaders in an attempt to raise awareness and engagement, has a strong relevance even today. We see, Industry and HR fora engaging with and rewarding Corporate Women Leaders to encourage a sense of identity with and awareness of career direction amongst other women.

** Civic Consciousness
"Under the civic ideal, both men and women tend to be recognised as individuals holding definite relations to each other in the public economy and by their own free will cooperating to build the family"

"Regarding the civic evolution of woman as a process it is easy to see that it will always take place most rapidly in those communities and at those epochs when political or industrial transformation or both are most energetic and individuating". 

Her comments in the context of bringing women into the mainstream of public life, finds resonance in today's corporate and political spheres. We all recognize that an environment has to be provided for more and more women to participate across in all works of life.

Views from her friends and associates

Exploring her relevance through the lens of others who knew her closely was my third and final effort. 

Mrs J C Bose, writes about the "Great love between father and child". She mentions about her father's conviction that there will be a larger calling for her, which is, personally, closest to my heart. I believe that a father, in many ways, defines the sense of self-worth, provides the first experience of collaborative work and helps develop communication and persuasion skills for asserting presence in a man’s world. The very important vision, that there is no man or woman’s bastion, is first learnt at home. We read the same messages in what our winning Olympian trio of 2016 – P V Sindhu, Sakshi Malik & Deepa Karmakar, shared in their interviews. 

A single mindedness is definitely required when you step out to break barriers. Here, we could take some learning from J F Alexander's obituary, where he talks about "work work work was her motto" and "with her passes one of those few who have made Hinduism masculine and aggressive". Mrs Bose saw in her the strength or resolve of a singular object, to serve our women as one from within. Her personality earned her the sobriquet of Thunderbolt.

S K Ratcliffe, a journalist with The Statesman refers to her comments at a debate at The Dalhousie Institute (a social club) on the subject of Marriage v/s Celibacy. A hundred years ago she gave ‘a brilliant little exposition of the contrasted and complementing views of the place of woman as mother and as individual’.

Surely then, a hundred years later, we could actively learn from her deep intellectualism, clear sense of purpose, indefatigable resolve to achieve her object and her prolific writings. 

Officially, Friends

A good friendship, formed at the workplace is a rare blessing. A professional with whom you share a common knowledge space, who can provide you judicious feedback and is there to lend you an ear on those tough days, helps in making work enjoyable and bringing out the vibrant, creative "you".

Forming such friendships, however, is difficult in a competitive space and establishing lasting trust is the acid test. While not central to this piece, I shall, later, touch on whether the going gets more difficult if you are a woman.

What makes workplace relationships different is the need for balanced conduct. The friendship is suppose to facilitate a better work environment and definitely cannot support high emotive outbursts or toxicity. How then does one identify such potential individuals and reach out to form lasting friendships. 

I have, with experience distilled 3 simple ways to recognise a good workplace friend :

#Quality of conversation

Such friends actually do not talk much about the job, gossip about other colleagues or the workplace environment. A good friend makes conversation rich, seeking creative thoughts or a fresh approach to the task on hand. With such a person you share books, might include socialising with families and can bank on support when facing some difficulty. They make good sounding boards, without allowing you to wallop in negative thoughts. Make sure, though, what is shared in confidence is respected and any slip on this account must not be ignored. 

# Respect in group dynamics

Beware of any over-familiarity, as good friends are never 'that'. They neither exhibit a special favoured status nor do they indulge in vitriolic attacks during a debate. Respect is essential to any relationship and more so at the workplace.

# Implicit trust

This is particularly important if you happen to report to the same boss. A friend might have the advantage of catching a good idea from an earlier conversation or be aware of a certain weakness in your group dynamics. Be alert to any early signs of her/ him taking advantage of this knowledge particularly in small group meetings with a senior.

There are some safe zones to nurture such friendships, one being the golf course. A common interest is a good starting ground or sometimes a special project / assignment. Such situations generate positive vibes and form a more lasting connect. It is essential to remember that the purpose of a workplace is commercial and given the choice between friend and job, the latter always wins. A friendship that rests on a shared interest, therefore, is more sustainable. At the same time, there are some friendships that may, despite best efforts of all concerned, go awry. It is important to recognise when to walk away, without bitterness or being frightened off from forming new friends.

It is not always easy, though, when you are the only lady in your immediate working group. An ex-colleague, who is today a celebrity in her chosen profession, used to sit by herself and have lunch. Each afternoon, I would see her sitting quietly apart, while the rest of my team would be joking or in animated discussion, clearly relaxing during lunch break. One afternoon, I urged her to join her other colleagues. I put it to her this way " you are the only lady in my team, whereas there are five men. It might just be a little awkward for one of them to make the first move and invite you. I'm sure though, if you were to join them, you'll be made to feel more than welcome". She smiled and heard me out and I walked off to have lunch with a colleague and an endearing friend, to this date ( though we have both moved from the earlier Organization). She did take my advice and I benefited as a manager with her growing acceptability within the team. 

Further, on this subject, two starkly different incidents come to my mind. In one Organization, where I had worked 17 years, we were in Bangkok for a dealer conference. It was a big event and we had been working very hard. After the event, the team wanted to see some bit of Bangkok and were planning a walk through Pat Pong. One colleague (nay, friend) insisted that I should join; his point being that we were a team and stood his ground firmly. 

Now, cut to another Organization and another outstation meeting. After a day of fairly stressed out discussions, I found my colleagues quickly dispersed. The day had been tough and I was looking forward to some relaxing conversation and much required bonding with my colleagues to diffuse some of the tension generated in the day long discussions. I knew the ball was in my court. I had to make them see the point that they had naturally converged over a drink while leaving me out. 

When interacting with women managers, I have often sighted the above examples. My take is that you need to make the first move, attach importance to social networking / bonding and define the ground rules of trust and respect.

It sounds cliched but the fact is that more than a third of our day is spent at the workplace ( much more if your work entails travel every week). Given the sheer hours you clock, that technically becomes your only space to form friendships - learn, share, grow and rightfully, enjoy.

Travel tales - the women I meet

You will not have heard about these women. Nor had I till work took me to the interior markets of Rajasthan and Madhya Pradesh. For all known purposes these States favour the male child. Take any yardstick - literacy, employment, sex ratio, mean age at marriage - and the picture is grim. Yet, respect for tradition runs alongside respect for women. Amidst the apparent contradiction, I have seen and shared some beautiful moments with strongly bonded families.

In these stretches, typically a dealer store is an extension of the family home. The house rests atop the store. A warm cup of masala chai is prepared at home and served with some hot snacks, fruits and or dry fruits. Nowadays, given the market grapevine, they have learnt of my preference for black coffee without sugar. A drink affectionately prepared ("bitter coffee with just hot water?") not fully understood and curiously watched over, when partaken. Business discussions over, I am invited to meet the family. It is very common to be introduced to the girl child who is invariably studying CA or architecture. As one of my dealer's wife explained " Aur kuch nahin toh shaadi ke baad, ghar behete ek-aad IT file kar legi" ( if not anything else she can earn a little income by managing a couple of Income Tax files). I am slowly building a network of bright young girls, who are being encouraged to adopt me as a role model. I must, honestly admit, this makes me feel proud.

The expectation from the boy child on the other hand is a mere graduation. "Zyada padhne se kya hoga. Business toh sambhalna padhega" (what is the use of higher education as he will have to help out in the family business).  

This is not to give the impression that young ladies are not considering a career. I have met students in engineering, business management and those employed in the IT sector and hope to follow them in the years to come in the Corporate sector. Recently, I met a feisty channel partner's wife, with a legal background, in government service, working as counsellor for rape victims. 

Earlier in this week, I was being served by an unassuming elderly lady, as I sat around with my team and dealer. It was a lunch invite at his home. Suddenly, the dealer mentioned with a lot of pride that his mother had retired from government service. She was a teacher. Not just that, she used to take a bus and then trudge 4 Kms each way ( sometimes carrying him in her arms, as they did not have the requisite support systems at home). His mother went on to explain how financial difficulties hit them when the family business went through a rough patch and her father suggested that she become self reliant. The girl child education came in handy and she could take up the teaching job.

The other surprises are retail outlets, across the country and in my previous stint in FMCG, where the lady of the house "man the store" (chauvinism intended) in the mid-morning slot, while her husband is away to the nearest town for stocking-up. Sitting at the counter from 11 am - 2 pm, after finishing the household chores and before the children return from school is not uncommon. A dealer in Chattisgarh, recently mentioned with pride, that his wife anchored prices at the store several times better than him.

Adversity may sometimes become that chance call on diversity. A husband's sudden death, disability or accident, when the children are young and studying, may well bring the lady of the house to take charge of the business. 

An intriguing combination is the covertly supportive wife. She will normally keep a respectful distance while conversation is on, standing behind her husband but chip-in with some sharp observation on a commercial point. In a market we have recently entered, I had the pleasant surprise of the lady of the house praising the earlier Company and placing expectations from us, while her husband ( the dealer) shuffled his feet and grinned sheepishly trying to interject. 

This might be a very limited snapshot but when I meet these ladies I see strength of character, smartness and a seamless bond between the urban corporate me and the homemaker lady in the many towns of India.

Musings within quotes

"Living and growing is also about knowing when to dump certain #dreams"

"#Holiday is asking time to stop a bit and wait for you cause you are just a tad tired running behind all the time"

"#Holiday is a reality check on your #leadership style"

"Authenticity, adapting to change and continually improving is common to both #parenting and #leadership"

"In some #relationships forgiveness precedes anger, hope precedes hurt and just as good memories precede the aberrant present"

"For an itinerant #salesman there is no #holiday destination like home. My bed, my couch, my desk and when and where my time is my own"

"Leaving baggage behind is all about #loving yourself first and then others"

"In a #relationship two negatives, multiplied, never make a positive."

"A #leader views what you deliver at the job, a #manager counts the hours you put into it"

"Understand, in a #relationship so that you don't have the compulsion to judge"

To, Mama............with love

The thought of writing to your child, about matters that may be shared in a public space, is something that I always considered endearing. Be it Nehru's Letters from a Father to his Daughter or the ones Chanda Kochhar and Narayan Murthy have recently penned. However, words of wisdom to purely sharing knowledge, I do not believe necessarily and only happens from parent to child. Personally, my children have taught me a lot and stood by me in difficult moments. With each heartache have come wise lessons and more than my share of happy moments. So, how would I like my daughter to write to me......

Dear Mama

Perhaps the first memories of childhood, for me, are all about Nanima. Returning from school each day to her home, she was the one who shared my first secrets. My first handmade 'I am sorry' cards were all for her because my fights and make-ups were also with her. Dadubhai helped me to put together my first scrap book and when you gave up, cajoled me into attending those Sunday morning drawing classes. As you know, till date, before a difficult exam or any other tensions I dream about Nanima. When I grew older your wise words to me (as you often paraphrase, also learnt from your parents) was that every child should recognise one disciplining parent and you trusted Nanima in playing this role. At home, it was very clear to us that you would not overrule a position taken by her and authority was clearly understood at an early age.

So, what is it that I remember about you, when I look back to those days? The moments are mostly post dinner to bedtime, Sundays and holidays. When you were not traveling, you made it a point to read to us and tell us stories. I jealously guarded this time with you and was very demanding. Today, we recall and laugh, about that afternoon on a holiday in Darjeeling, when I got you to read to me the same Enid Blyton story ( A Surprise for Molly - shall never forget the title) 11 times! You encouraged me to read in many ways - telling stories, taking us to bookstores, taking pride in the bookshelf at home and in later years introducing me to specific authors who shaped your thoughts and values. You often recalled how at an early age your sister felt you should not be reading Harold Robbins but Dadubhai intervened and mentioned that there is no 'right age' for reading a book. 

Our post-dinner time became even more precious as I grew older. Your travel, work tensions, parents' health, our study and growing up challenges became increasingly tough for you. While you worked your own coping mechanism, you taught me the importance of not taking life too seriously. Your loud, out-of-tune singing (not necessarily restricted to the bathroom), bouts of hectic yoga, continuous scribbling in your diary and self motivation efforts were most times quite amusing to the rest of the family. You laughed at yourself, with us but continued, nonetheless, doing all this. 

I was then in Class IX and you were going through a particularly rough phase. We used to take these post dinner walks and one odd evening you began to share your problems with me. Initially, I used to just hear you out. A lot of what you shared did not make sense but I walked with you because this was 'my time' with you and I felt very 'grown-up' when we had these conversations. Engrossed, as you were, you missed out that I was also in a critical phase of growing up and feeling the pressure and challenges at school. Probably, this was your longest disconnect - well over a couple of years - till my tensions started to manifest in many ways.

Those years were also the ones in which I really grew up. Taking charge of my tuition arrangements for Class X (you never even met a couple of my tuition teachers), making my own subject choice (you backed me on my decision to opt for Commerce in Class IX, though I know deep within you wanted me to stretch myself with Science) and firming up my plans to move out of India. I realise now, the importance of two things you used to keep telling me. Make friends with people much brighter than yourself, as they will stretch you to perform better and since you have the opportunity learn things wide and varied. Oh, yes! You were very much there when it came to working on my projects - and I learnt a lot about presentation skills from you. 

You never pushed me but was always by my side when it came to learning something new. Despite your schedule, you came with me for synthesiser classes. You sent me for a professional course in baking just so I would make better cakes than you. You insisted (and probably the only program you pushed me for) that I should learn personal grooming and make up. You checked out courses in the city for public speaking and Pranic healing - and took immense interest in sharing my learnings, when I opted for these.

I recall being very upset with you, when you did not allow me at the age of 17 to go for New Year's Eve celebrations at a popular discotheque. You taught me then the need as a citizen to abide by the law and recognise my responsibilities before enjoying freedom. You also allowed me to go out and get drunk, at the right legal age, without raving or ranting but just getting back to conversations ( I know how seriously you take this in any relationship).

All this went towards building a deep trust and respect for your advice. You will always remain my moral barometer.

As your daughter I want you to keep pursuing your dreams. Now you tell me that you are happy when I am considering a doctorate, something that you have always wanted to do. I can only live out my dreams and you will raise the bar, every time you better yourself. You still have to manage a tendency to procrastinate to realise your full potential. Your absent mindedness, in the midst of our chats are annoying and many times I just know that you are not fully there. You know this and have many times said it yourself, your children often need 'quantity time' and no supposedly 'qualitative' aspect can make up for sheer hours. 

I can't say whether you have been a perfect Mother but I can definitely say you are a good friend. When your work, colleagues, friends and family upset you, I love the way you open up and share your lows with me. I know, as life makes its own demands on me, there'll be times when I'll be too caught up to spare time for you. Today, we also know that the geographical distance has become a reality. Through these times and for ever, I want you to know that I love you and will in my own way try to be a good daughter.

With love...............

One Pleat At A Time

I am told that efficient and important people are opting to wear the same clothes to work, daily. Apparently it improves overall quality of decision making as brain cells are not engaged on "idle matters such as clothes". Last evening stumbling on one of those typical self improvement reads - '4 ways to avoid decision fatigue', I found the latest on this list were President Obama and Mark Zuckerberg. Agreed, some may have a very good reason for such a choice. The story of Matilda Kahl, an Art Director was doing the rounds on social network for some time. She owns some half a dozen black trousers and a dozen odd identical white silk shirts and has found this dress code de-stressing.

 No matter how sensible, I don't see myself opting out of my a 'different' saree, daily, choice. The ritual begins with me standing in front of the array in my cupboard (here again, I have not understood friends who plan in advance and pair saree, shoes and handbags for a full week). Temperature, daylight factor, meetings through the day and particularly my mood jostle to decide on the right color. I must admit over the years I have brought some process improvements with silks and cottons clearly assigned (separate wardrobes) to winter and summer, respectively. Saree decided, the next few minutes of silent cursing commences in search of the normally elusive blouse. The new trend of matching blouse pieces, in an offsetting tone admittedly makes the saree look smarter and the temper frayed. Petticoats are another story altogether and I shall share, later, my let down tale.

 The part, I like most is drawing the pleats. There is something quite calming in getting the folds in uniform parts in place. Gathering the folds over my shoulder, particularly if the saree has a decorative border, makes me feel lovely and happy. Safety pin in place, by now, the crucial minutes are ticking away. A recalcitrant starched cotton saree does make the calmness vanish in seconds. Frequently and especially on a summer morning, sweating with all this effort I vow to shift to churidar kurtas.

Many a modern girl finds it difficult to wear a saree to work. Complaining about the time it takes to tie one to holding it in place. May be I was born to wear one and took to it like a fish. A college event or even friend's birthday was a good enough reason to wear a saree. In Mumbai this was rare and revisiting college photographs I find myself the odd one out. There is definitely a practical view on the subject and my early days at work I too had opted for skirts and salwar kurtas. Given my petite built it was undeniable that the saree added weight to frame and personality. Even if not 5 days a week, then, post marriage those few odd days were also plugged in with my mother in law clearly in favour of sarees.

 In an itinerant sales job I was lucky to have many saree destinations on my list. Initially, Chennai, Lucknow and later Udaipur, Kota. It was however the Internet that increased my awareness and the real discoveries were Bhagalpur and Raipur. In the late 90s The Kolkata Chennai flight would land around 9:00 pm and allow me time for a quick dash to Nallis before heading for the Hotel. The most treasured collection, of course, is the Jamdanis from Dhaka. A special mention here for the additional travel by my sister and husband and their contribution in both numbers and exquisite choice. If my cupboard weighs a little heavily on Ikats and Jamdanis mostly in shades of beige and black - I owe these to Sumit and my best colourful silks to Didi's Bangalore tours.

 While travel only means more sarees, preparing and packing for one brings it's own challenges. In a fairly organised life of practically weekly tours it is funny how Murphy knew when to strike. We had several Group HQ changes in 2015 with an impending merger. The new Chairman was just announced and we were to go to Mumbai to present the business. The meeting was at The Taj and I opted to stay at the Royal Bombay Yacht Club, which is a hop and skip away. Understandably, with only an hour to go I began to get ready. Out came the saree and blouse. Oops! I had forgotten to pack the petticoat. Over 20 years of touring and this had to happen before an extremely important meeting. Carefully wrapping my saree (thankfully a somewhat heavy kantha work silk) over my track pants I made it to The Taj. It was a first-hand experience of finding out that a five star hotel can handle your every need.

And, no, I have never forgotten to carry a blouse. Not so far.